The Human Heart"
by Lachesis Fatali
Summary: A blessing and a curse, to those who will accept it. San's POV.


"The Human Heart"  
by Lachesis Fatali  
  
************  
Mercy guides the human heart,  
Pity hides the human face.  
Love molds the human form divine  
And Peace clothes it in its dress.  
  
But Cruelty *is* the human heart,  
And Jealously the human face.  
Terror is the clay of its form divine  
And Hate the fabric of its dress.  
-William Blake  
************  
  
"Give her to me!" I snarled, showing the pitiful fangs my human ancestry had given me. The bones around my throat rattled violently as I stepped forward, the frail crystal dagger clutched tightly in my hand. Hatred burned within my throat, a fiery vengeance that consumed my entire being. In the far reaches of my mind, beyond the rage of battle, I wondered vaguely for a few moments if I was turning into a demon, succumbing to the darkness inside my soul. But it would be worth the damnation, as long as her blood was spilled upon the earth by my hand. "Give her to me! I'll cut her throat!"  
  
He merely gazed at me with his dark and silent eyes, shaking his head softly. "No, San," he told me firmly. I nearly growled again, not believing that this... this *human* dared to control the will of nature, the will of the Wolf Gods. "Moro has already exacted vengeance on her." His eyes met mine again, and I had to restrain my rage, my hate of them, of the pure humanity that they contained. "This is her punishment."  
  
The woman's guard walked out of the water behind him, placing my enemy upon the ground, almost at my feet. "Eboshi-sama," he cried, watching her with desperation. I grinned mirthlessly. It did not matter if the woman died from her wounds. I would kill her. But not yet. Not now, not in front of him.  
  
I stood, shuddering with helpless anger as Ashitaka removed his cloak, wrapping it around the woman's arm, stanching the flow of blood. She opened her eyes confusedly, fixing upon him with the look of the weak, the dying.   
  
Prey.  
  
"I don't need your help." she whispered.   
  
He continued to treat her with gentle compassion, doctoring my mother's vengeful attack. His compassion calmed her, healed her. But it was no match for my hatred. I would have her. "I promised Toki and the others that I would bring you back."  
  
He was not watching me.  
  
I took a step forward, driven to finish it then, to cut off her head and avenge the deaths of my family, of the gods of the forest. But I looked up, distracted, as the stench of rotting flesh permeated the island, staring across the water at the empty, darkened body of the Nightcrawler, it's death burdened hands passing sightlessly over the forest, killing all it touched.  
  
It had become almost human, in its death.  
  
I returned my gaze to my enemy, looking down at him. He saw it also, a quiet acceptance on his face. "It's looking for its head," he stated, voice calm, composed. Without warning, he rose to his feet, almost knocking me over in the process. I drew back from him, weapon still ready in my hands. "This place isn't safe." I waited. I knew what he was going to ask of me. He was a fool to think I'd give it. "San, I need your help."  
  
I recoiled from him, brandishing the dagger of human hands. "No!" I raged fervently, my voice low and feral. "You're one of the humans!" I spat the word out with all the contempt that I could muster, feeling poisoned by the mere act of saying it. They destroy everything they touch, these proud and powerful creatures. They have no feeling of harmony with Nature, no desire to live in peace, even with one another. And if they hold so much horrible power, their name itself could probably destroy me, as well as one of their weapons. "Take that human and get out of here!"  
  
He looked at me with that gentle expression on his face, with the same eyes as the deer which we used to hunt. He took a step towards me, carefully, slowly, as if fearing *I* was the deer, able to be frightened by a sound, a mere touch.   
  
Fool. I am the Wolf.  
  
"Don't get any closer," I warned him, shifting into a battle stance, my eyes alight with hatred, my rage for him and all his kind. He still advanced upon me, arms spread at his side. I began to tremble, for no reason that I could think of. "I hate humans!" I screamed to him again, glaring at him. "All of them."  
  
He did not stop his approach, if anything spreading his arms even further out to his side. I had a perfect view of his heart, a quick and easy kill. A few steps closer, and he would be mine...   
  
He either did not notice my strategy, or he did not care.   
  
"I am human," he told me gently, as if he did not think I understood. I understood him all to well. He was a destroyer, a murderer. His kind kills for gain, not food. They kill for revenge and greed, not merely to thin the herds. They are an abomination of everything I have ever known. I found myself retreating further from him as he took another step forward, arms still spread as if to embrace me. I would die before I let him. "You are also..." he paused, watching me. "You are human."  
  
I lost control then, the rage and hate I kept locked inside me for the hunt spilling out with a violent intensity. "Silence!" I screamed, not knowing why, not knowing anything besides the utter and totally desire to kill him, to stop him from uttering another breath. I wished to see his blood spilled upon my hands, his last shuddering breath pulse beneath my blade. "I am a Wolf!" He stepped forward again, mere inches from my body, eyes never leaving mine. I could not bear the weight of his tainted, human gaze.  
  
"Stay away from me!  
  
I plunged the dagger into his chest.  
  
And I stepped back, utter shock and horror written on my face as I stared at the small weapon embedded in his skin, the small drops of blood gathering at it's point before falling to the ground. Human blood, a human weakness. But I hurt him. Without reason, without motivation of food, or territorial gain. I hurt him... because I wanted to. Because for a moment I believed that he deserved it. Because for a moment, I felt that burning, hate within me, that horrible urge to destroy without truth.   
  
That horrible, human urge.  
  
My mouth fell softly open, tears springing unbidden to my eyes. I am human, not beast. I am Destroyer, not Wolf. For a Wolf would not kill another, even in a battle of dominance, or anger. We never kill our own. It is against our nature.  
  
But my nature is not of the Wolf.  
  
I am human.  
  
I am a flawed, poisoned, human.  
  
I looked to him, my eyes wide and empty, my soul emptier still.   
  
Human.  
  
His arms wrapped around me, enfolding me in his embrace.  
  
It is a curse.  
  
I did not struggle in his tainted grasp, to shocked and horrified to rebel.  
  
It is an abomination.  
  
I felt his heart beating beneath his skin.  
  
It is poison.  
  
I place my arms around him, clinging to his warm and solid strength with a wild, desperate hope.  
  
He is human.  
  
...And so am I.  
  



End file.
